What is the ideal man in the representation of women?

What a man needs a woman: strong or weak

All will agree with me that each of us there is something masculine and feminine thing. It is traditionally believed that women's traits - a soft, fine sensitivity, keen intuition, passivity, low aggressiveness, propensity for artistic creation, a sort of theatrical behavior.



The most feminine woman - this being very weak and sensitive, not capable of withstanding the hostile outside world, she helplessly flapping their long lashes and causes men wish to wear it on my hands, protected and preserved. This, of course, an extreme case. So sverhzhenschinam really is difficult in our world, but most of this behavior - no more than a game.



The brave men, on the contrary, must have a set of male qualities, radically distinguish it from a woman: it is above all force, energy, aggressiveness, decisiveness, ability to experience trouble, not showing the form and not spreading nurses. This is a defender, explorer of new territories, the breadwinner. If a woman expressed quite conservative top (basic, mandated by the nature of the function - bearing and raising offspring), then a man a spirit of adventurism.

This sverhmuzhestvenny man - the hero of the militants and the westerns, the sheriff, a struggle with a whole gang of criminals, secret agent, who acts without protection, is forced to immediately make decisions and receive as a reward a charming blonde, however, the woman eventually killed, because the laws genre superman does not need anyone's support and can not be married. In the next series he appears another woman.



This masculine ideal, to get closer to him and at least superficially resemble their favorite heroes, young men to stupor and opupeniya pumped his muscles. In the women's representation, Superman looks a little different. What a hero prevails in the "ladies" love affair? This is a tall, handsome and wealthy young man who invests energy and aggressiveness in business and succeed in their profession, surely behave in society, but somewhat reserved, and keeps his distance, at first glance, it is not capable of deep feeling, but it is not : when a woman struck him a painful emotional trauma, but his soul is awakened to the true love that is in it the heroine.



However, there is another type of hero, a sensitive - is an intellectual with glasses or an artist with an extraordinarily thin, long and slender toes, but these more feminine characters are found in such books are much rarer.

As you can see, the ideal man in the mass consciousness of women and men is different. Most real men did not hold out either before or to another, and whether to seek the chimera?



In the average normal woman is necessarily masculine traits, while srednestatischeskogo men - women. All Chinese philosophy is based on the interpenetration and complementarity of male and female principle of yin and yang; Tantric teachings imply a harmonious union of male and female natures.



So it is quite possible to speak about the severity of this particular individual male and female traits. It is natural that women are generally more womanly, they are more purely feminine characteristics and men - manly. As far as the presence of a person's character traits against vopolozhnogo sex is beneficial and helpful to him?



Women are more flexible than men, they opened version world vividly express their emotions. It is more that they are more romantic than the representatives of the stronger sex, but this is debatable. In fact, women are a lot of talk about feelings, but stand firmly on the ground with both feet, and practicality of them perfectly with the talk about lofty matters. This is due to the fact that after the age of puberty, when every teenager goes to myself and partitioned off from the surrounding world, to overestimate the meaning of life and determine his attitude towards himself and the world, women are better returned to reality than the men, who remain largely idealistic .



Virtually all psychologists agree with each other in that the presence of a person's character of some properties of the opposite sex gives him great strength, flexibility, expanding his horizons - in short, it is beneficial also for the individual and for society. Man who has some feminine traits, usually more attentive, more receptive to the feelings of others, more subtle and is artistic. But what if the feminine traits in men expressed more clearly?



Let's see how this man behaves in his personal life. Just recently came to me a young woman, Vera, and told me the story of his failed marriage. Faith never complained about the lack of fans - probably because its appearance is what makes her look like a ladies pictures Borovikovsky or Rokotov. Men, at least, perceive it that way, though it modern, vigorous, independent woman. Simply Vera is well aware that she is, and that - no, and do not adjust to the latest fashion trends.



Victor took care of her not as the others. He gave her flowers, dedicated poems, and finally, when he confessed his love to her and she made a response that is not going to get married - he burst into tears. He cried so bitterly that she felt sorry for him. Not immediately, but agreed to become his wife. When they married, they were twenty years old.



He spoke so beautifully about love! But family life was not all so beautifully. It began with the fact that he was to her quite maladaptive. It turns out that everyone in his family tackled the mother. He had an elder sister, who long ago left the parental home and lived with her husband somewhere in another city, and the elderly, sick and downtrodden father, who had not been in the family the right to vote. Vera and her husband lived after the wedding next to his parents in a neighboring house, but she felt that Vitina mother went to live with them in the bedroom. It almost does not specify when the young must sleep with each other, and literally tore Vitya of conjugal bed at night - under the pretext that it was wrong, or can be repaired by a crane in her kitchen, or even invent something like that.



All questions of their family budget, too, solved it, despite the fact that her son was a student, and the main contribution to the economic welfare of the family contributes Vera, who studied and worked. Can not say that her husband's parents have not helped them: they often do Vite gifts, shoes and dressed him - how their son got used to all the very best! Svekrov intervene in other matters: she gave advice to Vera that she had to cook for dinner and how to iron a shirt. Some time later, Faith is tired, and she persuaded Vitya move in the near Moscow, where her parents had a large private house. And he was quite bewildered. Without guidance mom he was not himself.



The case was complicated by the fact that Vera was pregnant, and pregnancy was very hard. Victor began sipping. A few months later Vera was in the hospital, Victor came to her quite confused: he did not know what to do. Responsible for the family he was not ready. In the end, Vera lost her baby, and doctors feared for her life. In this difficult period Victor vanished. When she was discharged from the hospital, the parents gently told her that Victor gathered his things and left. She saw him, since only once: he told her he could not live with a sick wife, who has, moreover, according to his mother, never to be children. He does not want to hurt her, but ... Thus ended the Vera's marriage.

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Victor has been opened in their feelings and they willingly shared. At the critical moment, he could not become the wife nor the support nor the defense, he really suffered, but who wants these were his feelings!



That is, he was quite thin, so romantically in love with a woman, but his feelings were unsuccessful because of the same difficulties in life. I think that Vera was lucky - she is still young, and all her unhappy marriage lasted only a year and a half, she would come in themselves and cope with emotional trauma. Another less fortunate. I know one poor woman, who lives in such a marriage for fifteen years, and has two children. It contains a family deals with all the housework because her husband's "poor health", while it actually feels guilty and that her husband drank, and that he discord at work - to convince her mother in law .



What's the matter? Why marriages with men are often unhappy? Because they are too feminine? In part, yes - but here mixed with more mental infantilism. Verin husband, for example, his personal warehouse obviously stayed at the tender age, some sort of fourteen. Yes, his emotions are open to the world, as a woman, but it - immature emotions, emotions are not her husband, but a little boy.



Frankly, I prefer to let the man tersely expressed, but more mature emotions. Suppose, for example, he smiles often, but like so: "His lips curled and parted, revealing even white teeth and his eyes sparkled, and purchased brown hue. Even his nose is too, he seemed to become normal proportions ... What an incredible transformation! What a contrast - usually he is a facial expression, like the Aztecs whom idol. "



William Jonen ( "Fear of men in front of a strong woman") argues that in recent times people have become more liberal attitude to male tears in public. Is this true? No blame old veteran, if he has a Victory Day eyes moisten. In the general euphoria after the failed coup in August 1991, many were also in tears after experienced shocks (one episode of this time is almost a national jubilation Jonen mentions in his book).



It seemed natural and the fact that our former Prime Minister Nikolai Ryzhkov, suspicious eyes shone in the Spitak earthquake in the midst of human misery and despair. But the same handsome prime minister in the parliamentary tribune, beside himself with attacks and insults, and ... and his voice quivering, tears in her eyes! No wonder since it stuck to the nickname "weeping Bolshevik", and how would it not elected to the Duma, to a large extent his political career was over.



People and the subconscious, and conscious level, never want to them to manage such a weak nerves man. Whoever stands at the head of the country, should not show his emotion, he can not afford any neurotic prichmokivaniya in difficult situations, or excessive zeal, bordering on self-doubt, nor even tears. Alas, such a leader must have iron nerves, as if his or called names, and as if its not taken out of himself.



Place an intellectual with glasses, who can be proud of their intellect rather than muscle, took Rimbaud - sverhmuzhestvenny with a powerful physical condition male. Therefore it is not accidental rise Lebed - that the visible embodiment of masculinity in the most ancient and primitive sense of the word. By the way, its our journalists are often referred to as "Rambo" - his shots in camouflage fatigues walked by all the national publications, and "Capital" had on the front cover montage released - to the trunk are attached Sylvester Stallone was the head of the General.

But, fortunately, we did not America, and a mountain of muscles is not enough. It should be something else.



Here Alexander Ivanovich is "something" was found: remarkable artistic data and, most importantly, smile. Provide him with tears in his eyes? Discharge! But a woman politician can cry, is it not forbidden - forgiven same tears in public Ella Panfilova, charming and attractive woman (in any case, such is its image).



By the way, Jonen argues that only now, in our time, a man is allowed to cry. But it is not. There was a period that we are well known in the literature of sentimentalism. Ah, how worried in the novels of the period, the heroes, not hesitating their stingy and not too avaricious men's tears! How to torment and suffering young Werther! And why go far - and we, in Russia, wept bitterly traitor Erast, destroy the poor Liza.



Alas, now experience the heroes of those distant days, for the most part left us indifferent - they seem to us exaggerated.



Yet surely a man with pronounced feminine traits do not need a woman? Why, there are couples in which the soft man feels fine. If he marries an active, energetic woman, often older than themselves, then this can be a wonderful combination. My husband gladly perform housework, to the envy of her friends the wife washes the dishes, he was quiet homebody and disputes without handing over the reins of his half. Wife in such pairs, took the mother.



By the way, if Vera was older and more experienced, if she could take away her husband away from her mother in law, if it is not sick ... However, too many "if".



Yes, these families may be ideal. But ... is one small hitch. It is such men as fire afraid of strong women. So, to marry me such a charming young man, strong woman needs to make a lot of effort and it does not act aggressively and defiantly, as she was used as a cat, "velvet paws. The trouble is that strong women usually prefer strong men: "She herself was born of a strong and determined to link its fate with only a strong man" (Jack London, "Daughter of the Snows").



Or, as said about himself, Amelia Peabody, the heroine of a series of adventure novels of Elizabeth Peters, a kind of Indiana Jones in the women's skirt (or rather, in the likeness of pants - how it was acceptable mores of Victorian England): "I could not endure such a husband, which would allow I control them, and could not withstand the very man who tried to control me. " If you, my dear readers, look back around, you will see that this duality of requirements is very peculiar to women, and especially strong women. The woman kept trying to put pressure on the man, but despise him who it susceptible to pressure, and at the same time can not stand if the man does not bow before her (in this case, often flying in the air, household items).



So what's the ideal man in the representation of women? This is a strong, independent, strong man that can always be relied on, and at the same time, someone who will listen to her, run her whims and caprices, in general, to dance to its tune. And, of course, her chosen one must love her, feel her feelings and be a good sexual partner. Here's how to describe this ideal of Jack London: "But above all was her own choice, its ideal. She wanted to both body and spirit in harmony with each other. Bright mind, coupled with bad digestion seemed to her something awful. Atlet-savage and sickly poet! In one she admired the muscles, in another - inspirational songs. But they would prefer to combine in one person. "



As you can see, this ideal is dominated by male traits, but there are some properties, a typical woman. Alas, it does have one drawback: for all his many years of practice I have never met with the holders of such difficult to combine the qualities in real life.